Women In Family Business – The Importance of Clarity

By Patricia Annino, J.D., Thomas Davidow, Ed.D. & Cynthia Adams Harrison, Ed.D., LICSW

The Importance of Clarity

The more you and your husband agree to treat the business as a performance arena in which preparation is everything, the more productive your child will be. Similarly, the clearer you can be in terms of creating structures, the better off your child will be when he does enter the business. Being proactive about creating routines through governance structures or through accurate job descriptions is very helpful. If your child is already working in the business, you and your husband can discuss how to create sensible structures with appropriate boundaries. Everyone performs better when they know what’s expected and what the rules are.

Be Informed-Be Influential – Points to Remember

  • If your husband resists talking to you about the business or is upset about something at work and won’t share why, don’t take it personally and don’t give up.
  • Men and women really are different in how they think, behave, feel good about themselves and communicate.
  • When you set a limit for your husband, you are actually encouraging him: You are telling him that he is capable of achieving his goals as a businessman, husband and father.
  • It is possible to find the balance between creating objective criteria for your child’s performance in the business and maintaining family harmony.
  • There’s a difference between granting your child the automatic right to work in the business and giving him the opportunity to do so.
  • Things go best when there is consistent communication between you and your husband and between both of you and your child.

Patricia Annino is a sought after speaker and nationally recognized authority on women and estate planning.  She educates and empowers women to value themselves and their contributions in order to ACCOMPLISH GREAT THINGS in the world – and in so doing PROTECT THEMSELVES, those they love, and the organizations they care about.  Annino recently released an updated version of her successful book, Women and Money: A Practical Guide to Estate Planning to include recent changes in the laws that govern how we protect our assets during and beyond our lifetime.  To download Annino’s FREE eBook, Estate Planning 101 visit, http://www.patriciaannino.com.

 

Donor Education – Why Effective Donor Education Programs Are Important

One of the most effective ways to educate donors and help them achieve financial literacy is through sustained and focused donor education programs. The process of understanding the power of philanthropy and how it works best for a donor’s goals and objectives takes time. When donors learn together, share their ideas and understand what other donors have done and are doing, they become more comfortable with the process.

Donor education programs which focus on philanthropy and related topics, such as financial issues for women, can teach both men and women how to achieve the joy of giving while living. Your institution can incorporate into the donor education event faculty and student presentations which integrate messages into the mission of your institution. These programs can help differentiate/distinguish your institution and create deeper relationships with donors, alumnae, and alumni spouse (Women’s Philanthropy Institute 2009, 15). (8)

Effective donor education, combined with financial literacy, can also provide networking opportunities. Associating with women of similar financial standing increases their willingness to use their money to leave a legacy. This is especially relevant for women who are learning to be comfortable with their wealth. Many baby boomer women in this country will inherit twice—once from their parents and once from their spouse.  Nevertheless, donors will not give until they know that they can take care of themselves first. As an estate planning attorney, the most common question I hear from a new widow is, “Do I have enough money to live on?” (Of course that question should be asked many years before that moment in time.) Taking the time to systematically educate your women donors, to help them achieve financial literacy, to teach them that by gifting they can reap both current and future rewards will help empower them to act when they receive their “double inheritance.”

Patricia Annino is a sought after speaker and nationally recognized authority on women and estate planning.  She educates and empowers women to value themselves and their contributions in order to ACCOMPLISH GREAT THINGS in the world – and in so doing PROTECT THEMSELVES, those they love, and the organizations they care about.  Annino recently released an updated version of her successful book, Women and Money: A Practical Guide to Estate Planning to include recent changes in the laws that govern how we protect our assets during and beyond our lifetime.  To download Annino’s FREE eBook, Estate Planning 101 visit, http://www.patriciaannino.com.

Women In Family Business-The Importance of Clarity

By Patricia Annino, J.D., Thomas Davidow, Ed.D. & Cynthia Adams Harrison, Ed.D., LICSW

The Importance of Clarity

The more you and your husband agree to treat the business as a performance arena in which preparation is everything, the more productive your child will be. Similarly, the clearer you can be in terms of creating structures, the better off your child will be when he does enter the business. Being proactive about creating routines through governance structures or through accurate job descriptions is very helpful. If your child is already working in the business, you and your husband can discuss how to create sensible structures with appropriate boundaries. Everyone performs better when they know what’s expected and what the rules are.

Be Informed-Be Influential – Points to Remember

  • If your husband resists talking to you about the business or is upset about something at work and won’t share why, don’t take it personally and don’t give up.
  • Men and women really are different in how they think, behave, feel good about themselves and communicate.
  • When you set a limit for your husband, you are actually encouraging him: You are telling him that he is capable of achieving his goals as a businessman, husband and father.
  • It is possible to find the balance between creating objective criteria for your child’s performance in the business and maintaining family harmony.
  • There’s a difference between granting your child the automatic right to work in the business and giving him the opportunity to do so.
  • Things go best when there is consistent communication between you and your husband and between both of you and your child.

Patricia Annino is a sought after speaker and nationally recognized authority on women and estate planning.  She educates and empowers women to value themselves and their contributions in order to ACCOMPLISH GREAT THINGS in the world – and in so doing PROTECT THEMSELVES, those they love, and the organizations they care about.  Annino recently released an updated version of her successful book, Women and Money: A Practical Guide to Estate Planning to include recent changes in the laws that govern how we protect our assets during and beyond our lifetime.  To download Annino’s FREE eBook, Estate Planning 101 visit, http://www.patriciaannino.com.

A Study in Self-Esteem – Men & Woman Really ARE Different

Men’s self esteem depends upon their ability to stand apart. They need to appear to the world like they are in control of situations, even if they aren’t. Not wanting d to show their confusion or vulnerability to the outside world, they distance themselves from others, stand independently and shut down.

The distance they create scares women, whose self esteem rests on their ability to stay connected with others. A wife knows that she is doing her job and is good at it when her husband talks to her and is vulnerable with her. The opposing self-esteem dynamics-he shuts down because he needs to hold onto his self-esteem/she needs him to talk to her so she feels competent-can make it very difficult for them to communicate.

Men recognize that there is a difference between how the two genders communicate. Women, however, often ascribe the dissimilarity to a man’s lack of sensitivity. They don’t realize that when a man distances himself, he’s self-soothing in some way, attempting to build his masculinity and his confidence about his competency in the world.

Bear in mind, then, that when your husband is reluctant to tell you about his day, it’s possible that he doesn’t want  you to know about a particular problem-a business crisis, a cash flow issue, or the loss of a major customer. He is not yet sure how he is going to deal with it and until he is, he doesn’t want you to worry about it or give him advice. He would rather tell you about it once he has dealt with it.

Think of it as a performance issue for him. If he has to solve a problem, he doesn’t want to spend any energy talking about it or trying to explain what’s going on-that’s a distraction which will get in the way of his feeling like he can take it on and solve it.

You can help him by letting him know that you understand that he is grappling with something, that his distance or preoccupation has nothing to do with you or your relationship. If you say something like, “You know what? It’s okay. I’ll give you space.” The support that he will feel from your recognizing where he is, that  he’s not trying to be elusive or move away from you, will help him solve it. Then he will be able to come back to you and discuss the problem and how he solved it without feeling like he also has to fix the damage that was done between the two of you.

While your husband has his independent focus-“I’ve got to make sure I can keep performing, and that I’m good at what I do,”-you have your own performance issue: You keep the universe spinning. You have to take care of everything-your family, your husband, the family business, perhaps your own career as well. You may be thinking, “I’ve got to make sure that everybody else is taken care of and I’ve got to make sure that I’m doing what he is doing in my own career.” Adding to your stress is that while you are feeling all of that, perhaps hyper magnified, your husband is doing his independent thing at a distance from you.

Patricia Annino is a nationally recognized authority on women and estate planning.  She educates and empowers women to value themselves and their contributions in order to ACCOMPLISH GREAT THINGS in the world – and in so doing PROTECT THEMSELVES, those they love, and the organizations they care about.  For more visit:  www.patriciaannino.com



Women versus Men: Connection and Success

Women spend a significant amount of time focusing on the needs and wants of everyone else in their lives. This is a key strength, but it is also a key weakness. If you don’t make a conscious, disciplined effort to shift that focus back to yourself and think about the importance of protecting yourself when you are connecting with others, there is a great risk that you will undercut yourself.

All women need to remember what the flight attendant says at the beginning of each flight: “If you are traveling with a small child and the oxygen mask drops, put that mask over your own face first.  It is only when you are strong enough to take care of yourself that you will have the strength to take care of that child.”

Those instructions are valid for women in more situations than a crisis in the air.

They apply to a women’s role at home, at work and in the community.

Psychoanalyst Jean Baker Miller, the author of Toward a New Psychology of Women, and first director of the Stone Center at Wellesley College, developed the “Relational-Cultural Theory” with her colleagues. Their work suggests that all growth occurs in connection, that all people yearn for connection, and that growth-fostering relationships are created through mutual empathy and empowerment.

The other side of this is disconnection.

That is when relationship connection no longer works or has become uncomfortable. When this happens, if the less powerful person is able to express her feelings and the other person is able to respond empathetically, disconnection can actually lead to a strengthened relationship and a strengthened sense of relational competence. If however the injured or less powerful person is unable to express her feelings or receives a response of indifference, she will begin to keep aspects of herself out of the relationship in order to maintain the relationship.

This very complicated analysis is at the heart of the difference between men and women in the work force.

Because so much of what a woman values is the connection and the relationship with others, when that is not reciprocated or encouraged, it impedes a woman’s ability to succeed. Men, on the other hand, don’t have that problem. They measure their success on their individual ability to get ahead and are not as bogged down by how they are judged in relationships with others.

Men are not afraid of ruffling the feathers of those they work with to achieve success.

Patricia Annino is a nationally recognized authority on women and estate planning.  She educates and empowers women to value themselves and their contributions in order to ACCOMPLISH GREAT THINGS in the world – and in so doing PROTECT THEMSELVES, those they love, and the organizations they care about.  For more visit:  www.patriciaannino.com



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